Dating relationships and infidelity attitudes and behaviors

15 Apr

Being cheated on is one of the most painful, shattering experiences, one that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. You feel betrayed, your trust is destroyed, your self-esteem is ravaged, and you can’t stop questioning what you did wrong and what signs you must have missed.The one thing I wish I had realized a decade ago, when the guy I considered to be the love of my life cheated on me, is that it really had nothing to do with me, it was the result of his own internal issues. The reason I was so confused back then is I didn’t have an understanding of the male psyche, and I didn’t know the internal psychological factors that cause men to cheat.Men usually are tempted to cheat when they no longer feel like winners in their relationship. I’m not talking about narcissists or sociopaths or guys with major commitment issues.A man’s most fundamental drive in this world is to feel like a winner.He feels like he is constantly disappointing his woman and nothing he does is good enough.

I paid for our dates because he couldn’t afford to, I did his laundry (…because he couldn’t afford to), I cleaned his apartment, I fixed his resume, I searched for job listings online and applied to them for him, I kept doing and doing and was baffled as to why he kept sinking deeper into his rut.

Maybe a girl will come along who finds what he does sexy, and she appreciates him for the effort and passion he puts into it.

When he’s with her, he gets all this validation and appreciation for the man he is and the mission he’s on.

He got a real job, he committed to her, he took her on romantic dates, he was happy and alive. The short version of this very long conversation is that while he did love and care for me, being with me made him feel like an even bigger loser.

I felt devastated and I beat myself up over it for months. The more I tried to “fix” him, the more damaged he felt. The more I tried to make his life easier, the more comfortable he became with his own misery.