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01 Jan

I know that it’s kind of an awkward thing to talk about, but I hope if you have any questions you’ll ask me.” She thinks: “I’m not stoked he has an STD, but this guy is really sensitive and thoughtful.” STDs are (unfortunately) a part of many, many people’s lives—some stats say over 50%.

And while it may slow you down or make you re-think that one-night stand, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

On the bright side, it will make you a better communicator.

And you know how much we love guys who can communicate…Amber Madison is an author, lecturer, sex and relationship expert and dating coach.

She has appeared on MTV, VH1, The Today Show, NPR, The Early Show, The Bill Cunningham Show; has been quoted in Newsweek, USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, Glamour, and Cosmopolitan; and writes a dating column for The Metro.

For some reason, the modern sitcom seems to be the only venue that openly addresses the dark awkwardness of a dating partner’s sexual past.

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(“Hey, I’m Mike, I work in real estate, I have chlamydia.”) If you’ve just met a girl, your sexual health isn’t her business yet.

When you measure your lovability by trying to quantify your sexuality, you diminish your humanity.

What scares you is that you will come up short in your manhood or womanhood in marriage — that you will always be living in the shadow of your partner’s ex-partners — that your shortcomings and deficiencies will loom over you in the form of inexperience.

To marry someone with a past is not “settling,” but can be a great gift. What he meant for evil — to harm or demoralize us — God often means for our good (Genesis ). The promiscuous King Solomon knew firsthand: satisfaction is measured, not in terms of what a person can do in fifteen minutes, but what they can do with fifteen years: “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find? By trying to measure up to past sexual partners, we give the past power that it neither has, nor should be thought to have.

Search your heart and root out self-righteousness so that you’re not blind to see that God may be giving you marry your partner who has a sexual history, you will not be the best person in their life in every area of life. It is way too easy to become obsessed with a partner’s sexual history.