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01 Feb

” What more modern way to make that most basic binary decision of whether you want to shag someone than a game of real-world "Hot or Not"?Social media has made us expert first-daters, well-versed in smalltalk and over-sharing with strangers.Just think of all the money I'll save on dinner dates now I can skip straight to the unfulfilling sex ...I've dated countless women and it has always amazed me how little they know about men.The quick follow-though from swipe to sex is similarly instinctive for a generation with an appetite for immediacy.Monday Turns out I've been signed up to Facebook as male, so Tinder is only matching me with women.“Misunderstandings happen,” he shrugs, before asking how I rate the date so far from one to 10.

Sunday It's autumn, I think to myself, which means a whole new influx of American Ph D student suitors moving into my Tinder radius.

On closer inspection, his pics are all selfies, which screams "I’m vain and don’t have any friends to take pics of me.” Another cutie introduces himself with a coy "heyyy" (words are stretched out on Tinder, for some reason – "How are you? ") but I note his height in comparison to his friends in group shots. Tuesday My sociopathic curiosity and appetite for constant validation are fuelled by Tinder's addictive swipe function.

I start consuming hundreds of profiles on boring journeys or in queues for a slow barista.

Tinder totally complements my lazy and attention-seeking personality. It usually takes me a few drinks to start talking to strangers but, thanks to my i Phone, I'm now virtu-flirting while I wee.

It's as compulsive as moodboarding baking projects on Pinterest: swipe, scroll, drool, click, reload. Wednesday The localised aspect of the app hits me tonight – at my local. I don't even need to leave my sofa to flirt, let alone risk liver damage in pursuit of enough Dutch courage to politely humour a clinger for 45 minutes.